


Seeing Clearly

by Setcheti



Series: The Carson Diaries [23]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-20
Updated: 2015-02-20
Packaged: 2018-03-13 21:16:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3396605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Setcheti/pseuds/Setcheti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s a pity I hadn’t seen Rodney so clearly, until now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seeing Clearly

It’s not like there’s anythin’ else to do, so the futility of workin’ on somethin’ no one’s ever goin’ to see doesn’t bother me so much as might be expected. And who’s to say a thousand years from now someone won’t come along and find this island, find my laptop here, and take a look to see what I was doin’ with my time? In a millennia, I could be bloody well famous – dead, but famous.

I put the thought of dead out of my mind as quick as I can – because there’s no doubt in it that I’ll be alone here when it happens. Rodney’s not goin’ to be outlivin’ me by any stretch of the imagination. I’ve thought about what I might do, the options I’ll have to consider, but I don’t want to be thinkin’ about them now. That’s one I’ll leave the contemplation of for when I’m fishin’ down on the beach in the sun, if you please. It’s dark enough in here.

I’m tired of workin’ on my future scientific immortality, though, so I start goin’ through my files. If anyone ever does find this, I’ve bought a completely different sort of immortality for Dr. Weir, what with all the records I made about what was goin’ on in the city. Readin’ through it all at once…well, the picture it all paints is even shockin’ to me. Pity we’ve no way to get this back to Earth, I find myself hatin’ to keep such well-deserved infamy away from her.

I’m readin’ the letter Rodney left for me, there at the end, before the chair, when somethin’ strikes me as odd. At the time I’d got the letter everythin’ was in an uproar; alarms were blarin’ all over the city, people were runnin’ through the corridors yellin’ misinformation to each other, Dr. Weir was tryin’ to give orders and demand answers at the same time over the citywide communications system…it was chaos. I’d only gotten so far in the letter before I’d realized what Rodney had done and raced down to the lower level after him. Too late, of course. I’d scanned over the letter later on to see if there was anythin’ in it that might help me to help him, but there wasn’t and I was more than a bit busy with other things at the time…so I’d saved it and forgotten about it.

And now I know that the first time…I read some of it wrong. Not any part that could have made a difference in what went on, not those; what I’d got wrong was his reasonin’. I’m seein’ now that he wasn’t so afraid for what was happenin’ to Major Sheppard as he was afraid of what might happen later to the rest of us – to me in particular. He knew I was expendable in the grand scheme of things, and because of that I was a perfect candidate for keepin’ the city submerged for just a while longer.

Thinkin’ of the chair makes a shiver go up my spine. He’d known that too, that I was afraid of the chair and what sittin’ in it meant. And he’d known how much pleasure Dr. Weir might have gotten from makin’ me sit in it – especially knowin’ that once I was there I’d not be gettin’ up again. I’d countered her time after time, stood up to her when she didn’t want to be told she was wrong…yes, she’d have had a fine time watchin’ me die, I think. I’d seen enough the last month we were in the city to know she’d slipped that far.

It’s a pity I hadn’t seen Rodney so clearly, until now. I read the last bit he’d written three times, then close up my laptop and just sit here, watchin’ him sleep. He’s not restin’ well, I can tell he’s uncomfortable and he shivers from time to time. I’ll go get him warmed back up in a moment, but for just right now I’ve got somethin’ to try to wrap my mind around. I’ve said before I was a bloody fool, but I believe I’ll have to amend that to imbecile and blind besides.

Because now I know that it wasn’t Major Sheppard Rodney was in love with.


End file.
